The Freedom To Question: Discovering the Truths of God’s Character
by Lorena Reyes
My mother is a Christian—or as many would say—a follower of Christ or a believer. My father is not. My three sisters and I grew up going to church every Sunday, Wednesday, and sometimes Fridays. Growing up, we learned to fear God and memorized John 3:16. At church, they emphasized having a relationship with God, not a religion. I understood that to mean that I didn't have to study about Christianity to be a Christian; I just had to believe.
A year ago, I got the opportunity to travel to Cuba on a short mission trip with my church. I decided to go on this trip because I wanted to learn how to talk about my faith with those around me. One night in Cuba, my pastor started teaching us about reformed theology. This was the first time I had ever heard of reformed theology. I mean I had heard the words before, but in Cuba, I was confronted with it. I remember him specifically talking about the doctrine of grace. I felt like I was the only one there who didn’t know this stuff already. And I didn’t understand any of it! All I heard was that not everyone will be saved—and the thought of that being true terrified and hurt me.
That night in Cuba, as I wrestled with these theological questions, I thought to myself, “Am I a reformed Christian? Do I believe these things?” I questioned what the implications of those beliefs meant for my family, my fiance, and my friends who didn’t believe in Christ. I tried to reconcile what John 3:16 said with what my pastor said, and I just couldn’t accept that God, being God, would only choose to save a few.
Seeking Answers
A couple of months later, a life changing event happened. My fiance ended our engagement and left me. I felt like my whole life had fallen apart, and the only thing I was left with was this conscious awareness of my own human condition. Let me tell you, there is nothing more sobering than seeing the extent of your own sin. It brought me to my knees when I realized that the questions of salvation are as much for me, if not more, as they are for my loved ones. And I needed to know the answers.
To find answers, I started by asking my pastor what books he would recommend for learning about the beliefs or characteristics of a reformed church. He sent me a few resources but the one that caught my attention was a YouTube video about the five solas of the protestant reformation. The video explained what we are saved from by breaking down Ephesians 2:1–5. Some of what I heard was new information, like hearing about what I was saved from. I don’t think I ever asked that question before. But none of it made me feel dissuaded, rather I felt intrigued to know more, specifically about the doctrine of grace. So I went back to the list of resources my pastor recommended and ordered the book Putting Amazing Back into Grace: Embracing the Heart of the Gospel by Michael Horton. The book was challenging but helpful. The ideas from the book were hard to process. I had to go slow. What kept me from rejecting the ideas right off the bat was that it used Scripture. Also, the author wasn’t just telling me what to believe, he was sharing his story and being very honest about the questions that drew him to investigate the truth. He shared how those questions grew deeper and deeper until his curiosity led him to investigate. Sound familiar? It sure did to me! So I stuck with it. As I kept reading, I realized I was shaking my head yes more than I was shaking my head no. And the author was not shying away from the arguments I was thinking when I shook my head no. He acknowledged my questions and answered them. It felt like we were having a real conversation—a conversation that I could come back to when I was ready to engage and walk away from when it got to be too much.
I also engaged in Bible studies with women who taught me tools to more faithfully interpret Scripture. I remember in one of the studies we reviewed Romans 5:1–11. The passage described some of the benefits of justification, for example, being reconciled to God. The leader explained how He saved us to have us for Himself! I kept asking myself who would ever, knowing that a person adds nothing positive or good to them, want to keep that person close, much less pursue that person in the way that God draws us to Him. In our culture today, we cut off relationships with people who are a bad influence because otherwise we become like them. So why would God want me near Him if I can add nothing good to His character? I didn't recognize this yet, but I think the answer is simple—aside from the fact that God’s character is unchanging and He cannot be corrupted by our sin—He loves us!
Finding Freedom, Love, and Grace
Fast forward a few more months. By now, I had been studying Scripture one-on-one with a mentor. We were working through the book of Ephesians and were already in chapter 6. In all honesty, when we decided to study Ephesians, it wasn’t a forethought we had to help me find answers to my questions about salvation. It was pretty random on our end, but clearly God’s plan was unfolding long before we noticed.
May 20th, 2020, as I was still reading Putting Amazing Back into Grace, I felt compelled to re-read Ephesisans 1 and 2:1–10. This time I looked for repeated words and transition words like “therefore.” I read it over and over again, and it’s like I could hear Paul speaking those words, telling the saints of Ephesus about the gift of salvation. I could hear how excited Paul was for them to know and receive this revelation of knowledge of God for themselves. As I was processing this that night, I journaled, “Is it possible that the saints of Ephesus had faith but didn't understand predestination? Why does Paul say, ‘Having the eyes of your heart enlightened’ after stating that he had heard of their faith?”
What I ended up realizing is that when you come to faith, become a believer, you're not going to know all there is to know about God, just like when you start a new job. It reminds me of the “boarding buddy” system we have at work. The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) has multiple positions with the same title, but the service area for each position is different. Last year, as I had already been a community planner for over a year, I was assigned to be the boarding buddy for a newly hired community planner. I introduced her to the organization's culture. In Ephesians chapter 1, Paul is like a boarding buddy to the saints of Ephesus, giving them the lay of the land. And just like my new employee, the saints of Ephesus did not know everything yet. And just like me, Paul had more experience and knowledge, which he was excited for them to have also. This revelation was liberating. I no longer felt at odds with God for having questions about salvation. I remember telling my new hire when she first started that she shouldn't be scared to ask questions if she didn’t understand or know how to do something. I encouraged it and knew that eventually, as she learned and used our systems more, things would start to click and make sense. And in that same light, I could hear God telling me, “It's okay, you can ask me!”
Why is this relevant?
Right now, during the COVID-19 pandemic and issues of racial injustice, we might be struggling with a lot of hard questions about our faith and about who God is. And if not us personally, the world is asking hard questions about God and Christianity. Michael Horton said it perfectly, “The world is looking for a Church who knows what it’s here to accomplish and for Christians who know what they believe and why they believe it.”
I’m not saying we should start questioning God. But for those who may be wrestling with hard questions about our faith, I completely sympathize and would encourage seeking the truth. Don't fear, suppress, or ignore your questions. If needed, ask for help. Studying Scripture with another believer who was wiser than I am was by far one of the best decisions that I made. It provided both encouragement and accountability. It also provided a safe environment for me to investigate the truth according to Scripture. And as Michel Horton says, “Christians, of all people, should be committed to [the quest for truth], regardless of the consequences. After all, we believe that the truth is first and foremost a living person: Jesus Christ.” To think that only our pastors or other church leaders should be committed to this pursuit is a dangerous thing. We all influence someone and therefore should all seek to know the truth personally. Otherwise, it becomes like the telephone game we played in grade school. If we say only pastors or church leaders should study God’s Word then what happens to that message by the time it gets to the person we influence? It’s a dangerous thing not to care about the message we are sharing.
In this last year, as I battled some of the toughest questions about Christianity, I learned that God wants us to understand our faith in Him, and if we seek to know Him, He will not keep that knowledge from us. Because of my experience, and the knowledge I gained from it, I want to encourage every Christian to seek the truth through the study of His Word, especially when they are wrestling with hard questions. It was through the study of Scripture that I found the answers to my questions, and as my knowledge of God grows, my life is enriched!
Lorena Reyes is a member at Holy Trinity Church Downtown. She moved to Chicago in 2017 from Austin, TX. She enjoys music and dancing and trying new things with friends.