Family Discipleship: It Takes the Whole Church
by Lily Raineri
In July, I ordered the book, Family Discipleship, written by Adam Griffin and Matt Chandler, with the intention of using it as a resource for my work as the Kid City director for Holy Trinity Church, Downtown. I have followed the various resources that the Village Church Texas (where Matt Chandler is a pastor) has put out over the last few years, mostly because of their children’s ministry. They have done stellar work in the realm of forming a children’s ministry that is focused on family discipleship instead of a traditional model of children’s ministry where the core of discipleship is taken on by the church staff. As I transitioned into my role as Kid City director in Fall 2019, this was something that I had desired to put into practice but I wasn’t sure how. And then the pandemic hit. And inherently, my view of the discipleship of children had to change because my 10-minute lessons on YouTube every Sunday are not sufficient to train children up in the way of the Lord. When I saw that Family Discipleship was going to be released, I didn’t hesitate to think that it would be a good resource for Kid City parents to support them in this season, while also being a foundation for discipleship that parents could continue to build upon as their families grow.
The book’s main audience is parents and aims to encourage parents how to do discipleship in their own homes. As I do not fit within this audience, I didn’t expect it to be as influential on my own personal, spiritual development as it was. I am a single, 22-year-old woman, with no kids. I didn’t buy this in hopes that it would speak to me as a potential future parent, either as you might expect. As I said, when I started reading it, I really thought I would be reading it from a bystander perspective and would evaluate it to be able to recommend it to the families of HTC.
However, this was not the case. From the introduction alone, I knew that this would be a book that I would recommend wholeheartedly to everyone—single, engaged, married, and so on. I won’t spoil anything in the book, but I want to share my biggest takeaways reading a book on family discipleship as someone who does not have the main family relationship that this book addresses. I want to share a few practical ways that the church can be discipling children both at home and as a community.
Discipleship Begins at Home
Discipleship is about time. Chandler and Griffin suggest that this principle of time is one of the core principles of family discipleship. One of my professors in undergrad said that if we’re not catechizing our kids, someone or something else is. Chandler and Griffin agree and state that “some parents believe, or at least operate as if they believe, that the discipleship of their kids will happen ‘naturally’ or ‘organically’” (p. 96). As much as I would love to think that I am changing a child’s life each time they see me on a Sunday morning or see me teach on YouTube, that’s probably not the case. COVID has made this even more clear: doing children’s ministry online is far from ideal, and it can be easy to get discouraged by how little impact it seems like I’m making. However, Family Discipleship helped me to realize and reframe what I am doing—that I shouldn’t be focused on me being the one to disciple children, but rather equipping those who spend the most time with them (their parents). As they suggest, investing time with consistency and intentionality within the home is essential for families to disciple their children.
Discipleship is about modeling. A common saying goes that lessons are caught, not taught. This is the same for the discipleship of the next generation. In addition to the point above, while discipleship will not happen “organically,” it will happen through your children “observing your daily, ordinary example of life with God following Christ” (p. 63). It requires more than passive proximity. As Deuteronomy 6:6–7 says,
And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
Personally, I can remember my parents doing this when I was growing up. Most mornings, my mom (still, even when she has no kids at home) will get up early in the morning and do her devotional time. On the rare occasion that I was up early, we were able to have one-on-one conversations about what she was learning. My dad would consistently take a few hours on a Sunday afternoon to himself to read and pray each week (he, also, still does this, even with an empty nest). As I reflect on these things, I am convicted to do the same and to focus on spiritual disciplines, so I can continue to become more like Christ. Similarly, parents, your children are watching what you do. What are you modeling for them right now? How can you infuse this with intentionality and consistency, not just for your kids but also for your own relationships with Christ?
Discipleship in and for Community
We just concluded that discipleship begins at home; however, as much as it might seem like it now, we do not live our lives in a bubble. Rather, discipleship is about being in community and being for the community. What we begin at home should ripple out into our communities, but it should also be built up by others in our community.
Discipleship is about being in community. So far, the main focus has been on what parents can do to disciple in their homes. However, discipleship is a community undertaking, whether that’s discipling kids, or really any members of the congregation! It doesn’t depend on just one person, or in the case of kids, not just the parents. As the saying goes, it takes a village. Imagine how powerful it could be if we used the structures already put in place in our church (Community Groups, ICCs, etc.) as communities that are intentional about this. We should, as Hebrews 10:24 states, “consider how to stir up one another to love and good works.” How can we do this in our family units or in our other circles, and how can we encourage others to do the same?
Discipleship is about being for the community. When we factor in the combination of time, modeling, and community, this last point only makes the most logical sense. “Your kids learn to love their neighbors by watching how you love your neighbors” (p. 77). Jesus tells the Pharisees in Matthew 22 that the first greatest commandment is to love God, the second is to love your neighbor (Matt. 22:37–39). As communities that encourage each other to love and do good works, we can also serve our communities! Serving the community with kids does not need to be a big project, but it can be in the little things. Show them daily how we choose selflessness in our families and communities by sharing our resources and giving our time and actively fighting against selfishness. Show them what investing in a community looks like. Again, on a personal note, I remember growing up that each week, my parents hosted their community group. This was a rhythm that was established early on in my life that I have seen the fruit of as I now attend a community group voluntarily, and it has been one of the most consistent rhythms in my life in the last year.
In the midst of a season of total upheaval brought on by the pandemic, this book, written to a demographic that I do not fit in, somehow taught me some important things about how foundational discipleship is to the Christian life in every season. I’m so thankful that the Lord has taught me these things, but also that I am blessed to be in a church like HTC, which already does place a high value on discipleship. My desire is that, whether you are a parent now, hoping to become a parent someday, or if like me, you are someone without children, we recognize that discipleship begins at home and involves each member of the church.
Lily Raineri is the director of Kid City for Holy Trinity Church Downtown, where she has served for the last year. She graduated from Moody Bible Institute with a BA in Children and Family Ministry and is working toward her MS in Child Development.