Hygiene Habits and Hypervigilance: Who Am I Becoming?
by Malissa Mackey
I could not stop daydreaming about leaving my apartment to wander aimlessly around Target. I desperately wanted to get out. After fourteen days in quarantine upon returning home from Europe, and another seven making sure I was symptom-free after being sick, I was done with being stuck inside. And there was something about being free to meander the aisles, maybe with a Starbucks in hand, that just sounded so comforting. I suppose you find out where your treasure lies when you realize what you miss most in a time of lockdown. So truth-be-told, when it was finally safe, I made a beeline to Target. At first, it was wonderful. Starbucks was closed, but I was greeted with a smile and a freshly disinfected cart. I strolled blissfully around the store taking in the familiar sights and sounds, that is, until a woman in the freezer aisle got far too close to me. And then there was the older gentleman coughing as I passed him, and the two young girls who did not stand six feet behind me in line. It didn’t take long before Target felt like a warzone, and I wanted to get out as fast as possible.
I’ve noticed this on my daily walk around the neighborhood too. I find myself internally judging the people walking around without masks on or talking too close to others. I side-step anyone coming toward me, and I purposefully cross the street if someone is too close behind me. Perhaps I’m overly paranoid, but perhaps not. I’d rather be safe than sorry, after all. But today, when I realized that I was afraid of an elderly couple in Walgreens buying cough medicine and angry at two carefree and unmasked guys for invading my six-foot bubble on the sidewalk, I started wondering: how are the habits I’m forming in this pandemic shaping me?
A few weeks ago, Joel wrote about cultivating spiritual habits during this time to shape us toward the kingdom of God. He referenced James K.A. Smith, who suggests that we are not just “thinking things,” we can’t simply reason our way toward particular behaviors or our ideal selves. Instead, we are shaped, often unconsciously, by the culture around us and by the habits we’ve unwittingly formed and the liturgies we practice every day.
In light of this, I started wondering how my new, socially enforced, COVID-19 habits are shaping me. We are suddenly creating new practices with our hygiene—washing our hands for at least 20 seconds, wearing a facemask in public, sanitizing everything we bring into our homes, and making sure deliveries are “no contact.” And we are creating new practices in our interactions with people—standing 6 feet apart, not touching one another, moving far out of the way when we are passing people on the street. Are these habits, along with the 24-hour news cycle about an extremely contagious virus, starting to shape me? Even worse, am I actually becoming someone who views other human beings with fear and suspicion?
I think the answer is yes, and it became all the more clear to me today. Today my internal monologue began interpreting my outward actions. I was surprised and dismayed to hear anger, judgment, and accusations being hurled toward people I know nothing about. To my shame, I had stamped the word “enemy” across the foreheads of the coughing elderly couple and the carefree guys on the sidewalk. To be clear, I think these habits—wearing masks, socially distancing, and so on—are good. They are necessary, and they seem to be playing a role in flattening the curve and saving lives. But what am I letting these habits do to my love toward, and interactions with, people made in the image of God? I must be aware that the “enemy” is this virus and not other people. I’m concerned that if I am not conscious of this, even when we come out on the other side of this pandemic, I will have conditioned myself to see my neighbor as a threat to avoid. If I’m not intentional now about how I’m thinking about others, I’m going to live into this story for a long, long time.
So how do we practice prudent hygiene habits and train ourselves to social distance right now without these unintended consequences? How do these good and right habits not end up leading us to fear and scorn our neighbors? I think we must
Acknowledge and redirect the thoughts and feelings hiding under the surface. After I realized my animosity toward the men on my walk, I lifted up a silent prayer for them. Not one of judgment; I’m good at those: “Lord make them aware of their stupidity!” No, instead, one of awareness that they are image-bearers, loved by God. “Lord, you love these guys, please protect them and those they love from this devastating disease.” Then the next person I passed, I looked in the eyes and smiled as I moved six feet away—a recognition of their humanity, an honoring of their personhood. They are fellow human beings, not diseases or enemies.
Reframe why we do these practices. When it comes to wearing masks and social distancing, the truth is that we are free not to practice these things. And clearly, some people choose not to. We have learned that wearing a mask and maintaining a six-foot perimeter is more about protecting others than it is about protecting ourselves. So why should we bother? Why would any of us choose to be uncomfortable and inconvenienced, especially for perfect strangers who may not be returning the favor? The 16th-century Reformer, Martin Luther, actually has something profound to say to this. In his classic book, On Christian Liberty, Luther acknowledges that “a Christian is a perfectly free lord of all, subject to none.” In other words, it’s true, we are under no obligation to do good works. God has given us everything we need in Christ for life and salvation, and we are subject to no man. But instead of this truth making us selfish, it is actually what frees us to love and serve our neighbor—even at great cost to ourselves. Luther says the Christian ought to think,
Although I am an unworthy and condemned man, my God has given me in Christ all the riches of righteousness and salvation without any merit on my part...Why should I not therefore freely, joyfully, with all my heart...give myself as a Christ to my neighbor, just as Christ offered himself to me.
It is specifically because I have everything I need in Christ and do not need anything from my fellow man to secure my worth, that I am actually free to love and serve him all the more. The Gospel has given us everything, so that we can serve everyone.
In light of this, I want to be conscious to frame these new precautionary habits—not as self-protection or to earn my righteousness—but as an act of love, freely offered to my neighbor. We can literally save lives by wearing masks and by staying home. So while I am forming new habits anyway, I want to be sure to embody them in ways that honor the Lord and love people. I have seen a few suggestions for posting prayers on the bathroom mirror to say while washing your hands for longer than usual. I want to press into a new habit of praying for the people I pass on my walks and looking them in the eyes and smiling at them even as I step out of the way. When I pull an awkward scarf or homemade mask up around my nose at the store, I want to thank the Lord for the opportunity I have to play a small role in protecting my neighbor. And I want to pray the Lord’s prayer every night, reminding myself that He provides my daily bread (I don’t have to fend for myself at Target) and that He is strong to deliver us from evil (the disease, not the people).
I pray that as we go through this pandemic, we are being shaped into people who not only practice good hygiene, but precisely because we do, we are becoming people who love our neighbor more, who see more of the dignity and humanity of others, and who long more deeply for the kingdom of God to come on earth as it is in heaven.
Malissa Mackey has been on staff with the ministry Cru for 23 years and has served with the HTC|DT Central Team since 2017. She is the director of Faith & Work Chicago.